The push-pull marriage: Your relationship should not be painful

| Aug 12, 2018 | Divorce

There’s a lot of talk in psychological circles that says “Relationships take work,” “A successful marriage will not be easy,” and “You must uncover your own psychological demons to achieve success in your marriage.” All this talk might make the average person think that it’s normal to suffer in a marriage, but this is certainly not true. Relationships and marriage should bring you happiness — not suffering.

Even though relationships require a certain amount of work and compromise, individuals in a toxic union need to know when to throw in the towel and liberate themselves. For example, when a toxic, push-pull relationship takes center stage — whether you’re “pushing,” “pulling” or just being victimized — divorce might be the only way to fix the pain that comes along with your spouse is not able to change.

Here’s how it works: The pusher initially takes a great effort to win the affection and adoration of the puller. However, as the connection and intimacy reach a fever pitch, the pusher suddenly desires distance and starts to push the other party away. That’s when the puller starts trying to pull the pusher back.

Initially, this causes the pusher to become more remote, cold and walled up. However, when the puller gives up and turns the other way, the pusher reactivates their interest and charm. The process starts over, again and again. It should be stressed that neither side of this dynamic is innocent: Both the pusher and the puller are to blame.

The push-pull relationship dynamic can be intense, painful and extremely stressful for both sides. It can last a lifetime if both sides aren’t willing to work through the dynamic together. If you’re party to a push-pull relationship, but you’re certain that your partner will not do the work to get out of it, then you might want to seriously consider looking into the legal options for ending your marriage under Texas divorce law.




Recent Posts